When Imitation Becomes Dangerous: The Perils of Obsessive Admiration

I would really love to explore with you the phenomenon of obsessive admiration and its potential negative consequences. Through analyzing the different emotions and behaviors that can arise from obsession. Ultimately, I will argue that it is important to be true to oneself and avoid the temptation to imitate or compare oneself to others in order to avoid fervent fascination.

Do you have a friend who imitates you to the point of making you question your own identity? Well, you’re not alone. The recent rumors about Haley Bieber’s alleged obsession with Selena Gomez got me thinking: what drives people to obsess over someone they know or admire? It’s not just romantic infatuation we’re talking about here, folks. We’re talking about a fixation that can manifest as envy or even destructive imitation. So, what’s the deal with these non-romantic obsessions? I turned to expert psychologist Ameya Canovi to shed some light on this complex and utterly under-discussed topic. Let’s delve into the world of obsessive admiration and see what makes us want to become our friends’ doppelgangers or, worse yet, study their every move to tear them down. What kind of feelings are these, and what do they say about us as individuals?

Obsession isn’t just a passing thought, it’s a deeper emotion that can lead to a whole spectrum of behaviors. Canovi breaks it down into jealousy, greed, envy, and persecution, and warns that if left unchecked, it can even lead to paranoia and psychopathology. But why do these different attitudes all stem from the same root? To understand, we need to dive into our inner geography – our psyche. Think of it like a city with surface streets and an underground world. There’s the conscious, the ego, and the superego that we see and know, and then there’s the unconscious, that flows beneath. It’s the pulsional world, the world of our shadows, that can take hold of us and drive us to obsession, even destruction. So next time you feel those deeper emotions stirring, remember to keep them in check before they take over.

Our psyche has a built-in alarm system that kicks in when we’re faced with overwhelming emotions or impulses. These defenses serve as shields to safeguard us from potential harm. But when our defenses crumble, we resort to projection – a coping mechanism that turns sour and leads to a spiral of projective identification. We start pinning our faults on others, unable to cope with our own flaws. We paint others as the culprits, the ones deserving of our anger and blame. But this defense mechanism is like a rusted tool that needs oiling. It reflects our unawareness and our inability to adapt to more sophisticated tools of defense.

When projective identification takes over, individuals drown in their own psychic turmoil and seek external targets to battle the ghosts that haunt them. But this projection can cause long-lasting damage, haunting the object of projection with feelings of helplessness and despair. It’s like being trapped in a distorted reflection of oneself, unable to break free from the negative perceptions of others. Therapy can help by interpreting the mirror, but it’s a daunting task to make individuals realize that they are projecting their own negativity onto others. It’s a bit like being hypnotized, where one can’t escape the belief that the worst aspects of themselves are reflected in others…

As I reflect on a personal experience, a sense of unease creeps over me. In the beginning, it’s a perplexing feeling. You find yourself asking, “Wasn’t it me who came up with this idea first?” or “But I only got this thing recently, how can he have it too?” The level of confusion can vary, depending on factors such as how adept you are at detecting gaslighting tactics and how self-assured you feel. As for myself, confidence has never been my strongest trait. Though my childhood was idyllic, akin to a storybook tale, the onset of my teenage years brought on feelings of inadequacy, awkwardness, stupidity, overweight and an unshakable sense of being clumsy. Merely having friends was a godsend, and I clung to them fervently. Throughout the years, some friendships have lasted decades while others have been lost along the way. Among them, I recall a particular friend who made me feel uneasy when they would present ideas or display items that I had already thought of or purchased. I realize the impact it had on my sense of self. It made me question my originality and the value of my ideas. It highlighted my insecurities and the need for external validation. This experience led me to realize the importance of being confident in my own ideas and identity, and not allowing the actions of others to influence my sense of self-worth. By understanding the root causes of obsessive admiration and projection, we can learn to overcome them and embrace our unique selves. As Ralph Waldo Emerson wisely said, “To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.”

Even in fairy tales, we come across such people… The witch in Snow White who calls upon the mirror, saying “Mirror, mirror on the wall, who’s the fairest of them all?” You can feel how much this queen is hurting, defeated, knowing that she can never reach where Snow White is.

So please be yourself, your beautiful self. How can you find your own unique voice and style instead of copying someone else’s?