My dear ex-friend…

… You quit my life a few years ago, but I still find myself thinking of you or having those weird dreams about us… And it makes me feel awkward, restless, as if it was my fault. But it was not. It was not my fault… YOU just decided to go, to cut me instantly out of your life. You. My friend. The one holding me and vowing to never let me go. Forever. Strong together. All for one and one for all. But for some reason we are not the musketeers anymore.

See… They call it destiny; you cross the way of another person „randomly“ and walk with them through life. And I actually enjoyed strolling along down the street of life with you. I couldn’t help being swept away by you and the enthusiastic way you act out your femininity. You taught me all the best things about being a girl; how to dress well, how to be coquettish and to be proud of my curves, my stubborn curls and my horrible nose… I so loved our laughter, our shopping days, our arguments, our „quality time“, your fascinating world, so edgy and so much different from mine but worth to be experienced. It was so easy for me to accept all of you, but also to by myself in your company, to open up my heart and show you each and every facet of my being. Yet, if was not the same for you. You have always hided your real YOU behind a fake smile, behind your hollow eyes. And though: from time to time, you left open the door to your soul which allowed me a furtive look behind the curtain… It was a sad backstage, full of resentment, hate, self-pity and disillusionments. It goes without saying: I wanted to help. I wanted you to be happy and cheerful again. Reshape that fake smile into a genuine one. Fill up your eyes with colors, excitement, self-confidence, fantastic moments and above all: love. I wanted to show you, that you’re unique and perfect the way you are. For real.

But my reaction bewildered you.

So you decided to let me go. I’m not your friend anymore. Thanks to Facebook, the concept of „defriending“ has become part of our culture. With a click of a mouse, you can remove someone from your friend’s roster and never again see an annoying status update or another vacation photo from a person you want out of your life. Thus, I will never know, if your husband treats you kind… I will never know, if the birth of your son went well and if he cries a lot during the night. You clicked me out of your life. It’s as simple as that. Well, for you anyway. Not to me. And the worst thing is: I do not even know why all that happened. You have never told me. You have never explained yourself. Was it necessary to cross out some names from your little black book? Did you feel suddenly annoyed by my presence? Maybe you were getting scared from so much love coming your way? No answers, only questions. So I decided to not ask (myself) anymore, because I will find only more questions instead of reasonable answers.

I do not hate you. I’m just disappointed you turned into everything you said you would never be.

Nevermind. Actually, this time it’s me to decide to quit. For good.

Thank you. Farewell.



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